I Have to Go, They Won't Ever Stop Looking
by elsiecarson
Summary: When the CIA are looking for Harry in season 10 what if he met up with Ruth before he was arrested to give her the key to his house so she could remove any sensitive information?
1. I'm Sorry

Harry presses a key into Ruth's hand and whispers, "Get all my files out before the CIA does." Ruth watches Harry walks up the steps and turn himself into the CIA.

"Harry! What do I tell your kids?" Ruth calls to him as he's led away in handcuffs.

"Tell them I'm sorry and I love them. Tell them not to worry. Don't tell Jane!" Harry yells back. The last thing he wants is for his ex-wife to know about this situation.


	2. Professional Mode

Ruth clutches the key in her hand and turns back towards the river. Tears are streaming down her face. Now she knows what Harry must have done and felt when she sailed away into exile. She quickly pulls herself together and goes to get in her car and go to Harry's. She realizes she can't remember his address at the moment. She picks up her mobile phone and calls Callum. "Callum, I need Harry's address. He gave me his key, so we need to get in there before the CIA does. Let me do the search though. He wouldn't want anyone else to invade the privacy of his house. I'll bring everything back to the Grid when I'm done."

"So, he's with the CIA now, then?" Callum asks gently. He knows how close Ruth is to Harry.

"Yes, he is. Callum, can you do me a favour? I need to contact information for Harry's kids. I told him I'd talk to them. I think their last name is Townsend. Graham and Catherine Townsend." Ruth tells Callum.

"I'll get on that. I'll have the info ready for you when you come to the Grid." Callum says seriously. He gives Ruth Harry's address and she's on her way before he finishes his sentence.


	3. Searching Harry's House

Ruth pulls up in front of Harry's house and takes a deep breath before she gets out of the car. She walks up to the front door and leans her back against it for a moment. She can't help crying standing here knowing that Harry isn't in the house and he might not ever be again. He belongs to the house and she can't believe he's not here anymore. She puts the key in the lock and before she opens the door she considers whether Harry would have set the alarm system before he left since she doesn't have the code or the right fingerprints. Ruth figures that because Harry knew about the arrest before he left the house he wouldn't have set the alarm. She opens the front door and steps inside. She knows this is going to be difficult. Everything in here smells of Harry and reminds her of Harry. She opens the front hall closet and finds Harry's beige trench coat still hanging in it. She takes it out of the closet and holds it against her face and inhales Harry's scent still embedded in the fabric.

Ruth first goes into the kitchen and throws out any perishable items. There's milk that has to go as well as some fruit and veg. The whole situation is so sad that Ruth can hardly stand it. She goes into the living room and immediately notices the music Harry likes stacked next to the stereo and an empty whisky glass on the side table. Ruth quickly decides to move into Harry's house until he can be cleared and brought home. She sits in the chair she imagines Harry likes to sit in that faces the window. She opens all the drawers in the room and finds some documents Harry wouldn't want getting out. She runs her fingers along the picture frames in the room. She wishes Harry had given her some indication of where to find the things she may be looking for, but she knows he didn't want the CIA to overhear him. She knows she has to take the photos with her so his family doesn't become targets too. She'll put them in her desk for safekeeping.

Ruth feels uncomfortable about doing this. She feels as if she's violating a part of Harry's life, but she doesn't trust anyone else to do this and he wouldn't either. She goes upstairs and decides to leave Harry's bedroom for last knowing that going through that room will be very emotional. She goes into Harry's study and notices the safe in the room is open. Please, she thinks, let the CIA not have gotten here first. She looks in the safe and sees it's still full. He knew we were coming, she reminds herself, and no one knows the combination but him. When she looks at the desk she notices a note on the blot pad with her name on the envelope. She sits down by the window and begins to read the letter.

My Dearest Ruth,

If you are reading this I am either dead, in prison, or in exile. Be gentle with my children. Odds are they'll be more mad than sad. Don't mourn me. I went into this with my eyes wide open. I knew what the consequences could be. I want you to know that I have always loved you and I will always love you. Don't worry about me. Wherever I am your memory will sustain me. Be strong for me, Ruth. I can't stand to see you sad. I'm sorry about my ill timed proposal at Ros' funeral. The sentiments were true even if the location was poorly chosen. I never was good at being poetic or particularly romantic, but I felt it was about time I told you exactly how I felt. I'm sorry I wasted so much time with you. It all seems so foolish now, it always did. I'm also so sorry that I couldn't bring you home from exile sooner. You should never have had to go into exile. It was so wrong. It should have been me going. You were so unprepared for that.

Stay in the house if you want. You were the one I thought of every time I added something to the house. You were supposed to live in this house. I never told you, but I did buy you an engagement ring. It's upstairs in my sock drawer. Please keep it. I can't imagine anyone but you wearing it. My will is in the safe, but you've already found that I'm sure. Most things go to my children and you, but there's a couple of things that go to Malcolm. Please, continue to live your life. Don't stop living just because of this.

I love you so much, Ruth. You were always so special. In the midst of all the chaos and terror you were the voice of reason, intelligence, and compassion. I trusted you more than anyone else. Your opinion was the one I valued above all others because you still had a conscience and a real sense of right and wrong. Most spooks lose that. You were the best person I ever had in Section D with me. Lean on Malcolm. He'll help you through all this.

If I am in prison or exile I hope to get back to you as soon as possible. I will try to get news to you as soon as I can, probably through Malcolm. Just know that wherever I am I am getting some much needed sleep and dreaming of you. At least if I'm in prison I'm not being tortured by a country that would rather see me dead. I promise you if I am alive I will come back to you somehow. You have been the light of my life and my conscience for as long as I've known you. Ruth, you are so unique and I love that about you. Don't ever lose that. Don't let this job consume you as it has consumed me. Get out of this world of spies before it takes your humanity from you. This job cost me everything and I don't want the same thing to happen to you. If I'm still alive when you're reading this please wait for me to come back before you go on that grand European tour. I'll be back as soon as I can. I'm fighting to come home to you.

Love You Forever,

Harry

Ruth dries her tears, gathers all the papers from the safe and Harry's desk, and puts them in her bag. She hates to think of other spies rummaging through his things. She goes into his bedroom and sighs. It's so Harry: very utilitarian and very masculine. Everything reminds her of him. She's tempted to check the way he makes the bed knowing it's probably made with military precision and hospital corners from his time in the army. She knows she's going to have to check under the mattress for other things he may have hidden. Ruth decides to do this before she goes looking for the engagement ring he told her about. She carefully removes the giant duvet, folds it and puts it on the bench at the end of the bed. She smiles when she sees the way the sheet is so precisely tucked under the mattress. She carefully lifts the mattress propping it against the wall. Under the mattress she finds Harry's passports under his other names and all his other covers. She gathers it all up so that no other agencies can keep track of his covers.

She opens the door to the closet and walks in knowing she's hidden some of her pertinent information in her closet, though her closet is half the size of Harry's. It's so clean and organized just like Harry. He has three pairs of shoes on the shelf at the bottom of the closet. Ruth runs her hands across the sleeves of Harry's suits. She checks the pockets of every blazer and every pair of pants. He doesn't leave anything in his pockets in case he is ever caught so she knows there's unlikely to be anything. She's right, but she goes looking for secret compartments in the floor and ceiling. Harry always had a healthy dose of paranoia. Finding nothing she sighs and turns to look at the bedroom from the closet. She's mad that the first time she's in Harry's bedroom she's by herself and not with Harry about to get in bed with him.

She decides to get the engagement ring. She's decided she's going to wear it. It'll be a big surprise for Harry when he gets back. He was right. They've wasted far too much time already, especially when they work at a job where life isn't guaranteed. She rummages through his sock drawer until she feels velvet under her fingers. Her hand tightens around the box and she breathes out loudly before she removes it from the drawer. She closes her eyes for a moment before she opens the box. It's a beautiful ring: simple and understated and not too sparkly. It has one square cut diamond that is inset in the white gold band. When she puts it on she can't believe how perfect the fit is. Trust Harry, she thinks as tears begin to fall again. She knows she has to get out of the house before the CIA arrive or she'll be arrested too. Quickly and quietly she goes back downstairs and out the front door. She looks up and down the street making sure that no one is following or watching her and is relieved that she seems to be alone.


End file.
